I WILL WAIT UNTIL I AM MARRIED.  I was raised Catholic by very conservative and strict parents.

I was 23,  married, to a man I knew only 6 months prior before I became pregnant, to a man who date-raped me.  No, that rape did not result in the first child, but the rape messed me up.  I blamed myself.   He kept pressuring me and I kept putting him off.

My parents said that we should marry, as my child could not be BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK.   MY DAD TOLD HIM HE BETTER BE RESPONSIBLE.  We separated after two daughters at two years apart.  I was home alone with a 2 year old and a baby, watching, “THIRTY SOMETHING” feeling just that age.  While my husband was losing jobs which resulted in evictions and utility disconnections.   I worked part-time as a WAITRESS, and had to hide my tips, from my husband.  I could not depend on anyone.  I worked and could not find or afford a reliable BABYSITTER either.

I became PREGNANT A THIRD TIME …but by the time I found that out.  I had a troubled marriage.  I needed to protect my children.   I was scared and did not know what to do.   I had money thrown at me by someone.  They told me, if I did not have an abortion, I would have my CERVIX KICKED IN.

That was my deciding factor, along with the thought of being on my own with three children instead of two that I already could not afford and living on welfare.   So … I called my best friend …and we went to THIS ABORTION CLINIC.  While there, they told me it was a BLOB, that at that stage, I was not doing anything immoral, but they were required to give me this counseling session and provide me with their information.   I would also receive FREE CONTRACEPTION.   I was told the abortion procedure, was PAINLESS, SAFE and QUICK and nobody’s business but my own.   I was to wear sweats and have a designated driver and to set up the next appointment after a week.   I also got a discount as I was on welfare, so it appeared to me the Government paid for part of my abortion.   I also felt they were helping me and that they cared about me, by having this COUNSELING SESSION and for giving me time before the dreaded abortion appointment. 

I was back in a week.  I walked towards the abortion clinic with my best friend.  I saw PROTESTORS on the way in.   They scared me.  I thought to myself, “I was not doing anything wrong!”  Then I scampered into the abortion clinic … blocking my ears to the pro-lifers call of “Don’t do it” nor did I look at any of their Pro-life signs. 

Then I sat for two excruciating hours with about 10 to 15 other women.  I felt it was like BEING in a NAZI DEATH CAMP, scared to hear my name called to the gas chamber.   Then it was MY TURN to have my abortion.   I went into the murder room.  “Like a PAP TEST,” they said and just as quick.  They injected a NEEDLE and told me to look at the picture on the ceiling.   Then before I counted to 10, I would be asleep.   I woke up and I thought I was still waiting for the ANESTHESIA to do its job.   I told them I was not asleep yet and to please wait.   The doctor said, “YOU ARE DONE.”  A nurse escorted me into the RECOVERY ROOM where they monitored me for about an hour.   They gave me PAIN MEDICATION and INSTRUCTIONS/PRECAUTIONS.    Then I was FREE TO GO.   I felt groggy, very sore and had cramps.  Yet I was very relieved the abortion was OVER.   My friend stayed with me that weekend to make sure I was okay.   I was very sore that weekend, but fine.   I felt dirty for what I did.  I did not want anyone to know. 

I was ashamed … but relieved I did not have to worry about a third child.   

A year later in 1994 and now divorced.  I was committed too soon to another man, who was also wrong for me as he saw other women while we were together.  

I thought he really loved me … he treated my kids well, took me out to fancy restaurants, paid my bills, traveled,  told me everything I wanted to hear.  After four months, he moved in.  I was pregnant weeks later.   IT WAS TOO SOON, no question he would take me to have an ABORTION, yet we both agreed it was too early.   He said he had been through it before when he took a girlfriend in COLLEGE to have an abortion.   I had no reservations, about having another abortion, but afraid it would hurt or I would die.  I had no belief that I was killing my baby.  I only knew that they would not allow me to schedule an abortion until I was EIGHT or NINE WEEKS pregnant.  I wondered why I had to wait.  

So, when it was time to have the abortion he took me to have it.  Then we went to breakfast afterwards.  He then took me home and said, OKAY, I gotta go and he was gone that whole weekend.   My best friend once again came over and helped me.   Now I felt unloved, as how could my boyfriend just leave me alone at that time.   Maybe … he was not OKAY, but acted OKAY, maybe it did bother him … he never said.

In 1998, I was married.   My husband and I just bought our first home and had our first child together, my third daughter.  Then when she was a year and a half old, I found out I was pregnant again.   NO WAY, I could not handle another pregnancy/baby with a toddler running around.  I lied to everyone, I kept my pregnancy a secret, I planned to tell co-workers I miscarried, as I would be out of work a few days.   Then right after I had the ABORTION …

… a NURSE in the recovery room, bothered me.  She was talking to another about how I had been there now three [3] times and that I was using abortion as my method of birth control. 

I was humiliated and cried.  NO, I WAS NOT.  I was married, I was only with two men, both my husbands, and she was supposed to be ON MY SIDE. 

Praise God for her, for that moment NEVER left my thoughts … something was wrong …what could it be?

I always wanted a son, thought God PUNISHED ME FOR WHAT I DID, yet in 2004, I had my fourth child I named him Matthew.  I knew God was trying to tell me something, for I had a feeling it was a BOY from the start and that GOD wanted me to know I was loved not condemned.

Now today, I am different, I repented and confessed to a priest 3 years ago.  Yet that was not all, GOD wanted me to do something.   I felt drawn to 40 DAYS FOR LIFE where something prompted me to be there all 40 DAYS. 

Then God let me know He wanted me to speak at the closing rally for 40 days for life.  Yet first, I had to tell my children, so they would hear it from me.  I then told my closest friends.  Then, some of them shared their own abortion stories.   I see why I had to share mine.

God is using me to heal others!

I will continue to hold the “I REGRET MY ABORTION” sign and continue to share my story.   Funny thing just recently someone once very close to me, told me he would EXPOSE [as he called it] MY PRO-LIFE HYPOCRISY.   He had no idea that I already confessed not only to GOD but to the World as well.   

Right now, I ask you all to say a prayer for him and for any other father suffering from post-abortion guilt and depression.  For the FATHER also experiences the same feelings of GUILT and DEPRESSION because of abortion.  That is why I ask you do not forget them in your prayers.

FOR ANYONE THINKING OF ABORTION, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS.  WE CARE ABOUT YOU AND THERE ARE MANY OTHER OPTIONS.   COME SEE US AND WE WILL HELP YOU!  

God can take away the pain.  You are not alone!

My message for those who are pregnant … you may feel lost, scared, confused and feel you have nowhere to turn.  Just turn to God.  Do not listen to the ABORTION CLINICS.  They want your money and they are very convincing … A BLOB OF CELLS?  Give me a break.   Do me a favor.  Before you make the wrong decision and decide to have an abortion.   Have an ULTRASOUND and find a way to see the screen.  You can see your baby’s life inside of you.   In your baby’s EARLY STAGES, you may not feel the baby kick, but you can see you have human life within you …and that you now have two hearts.  

Your baby is A PRECIOUS GIFT from God.  Always remember, that God has a PURPOSE and PLAN for your life.   So if your life does not make sense, know that God will WORK IT OUT.   For Abortion is the easy way out, but not the answer.   If you feel, you and your pregnancy are in crisis you are not alone.   There are organizations that can provide services to help you bring your baby to full term. 

If you are post-abortive, you may feel depressed, suicidal or angry towards God.    You may even wonder why He allowed your abortion to happen.   These are all normal feelings after an abortion.   Yet there is hope … there is God.   He will take those feelings of depression, suicide and anger away and heal you … who had an abortion.   Just ask Him for His forgiveness …and you WILL experience tremendous peace.

Then ask God to take over your life and to lead you.  You will not go astray.   He was there before in your life and He is still there now.   No matter what your life circumstances may be, Jesus will help you, just PRAY, BELIEVE and LISTEN to HIM.  That is why I have the COURAGE TO SPEAK TO YOU TODAY.

DO NOT IGNORE OUR SIGNS, OUR PRESENCE, OUR LITERATURE, WE ARE YOUR HELP NEEDED IN CRISIS!

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  JEREMIAH 29: 11 … a friend at a prayer meeting recited this verse after he laid hands on me.  At the time, I did not know the verse and had to look it up, but now it makes perfect sense.  He was telling me, to TRUST GOD, and to WALK by FAITH.  When life does not make sense, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   He is there, for when there was one set of FOOTSTEPS He carried me … and He will carry you.”   

“DO NOT BE AFRAID. GOD WILL PROVIDE.”